I’m going to be really honest with you right now.
I was working on something different for you today, but then life happened.
My period came a day early and with a foggy head and lower back pain, what normally is an easy pleasure – writing to you – became a total chore. Something I had to do, something I was making myself do.
Something my head was telling me was far more important than taking care of myself.
Far more important than listening to my body.
I talk a lot about living in tune with your cycle and listening to your body, and truthfully, I feel a bit vulnerable about sharing this. Because the dialogue that I’m about to share with you is an example of me doing the exact opposite.
But I think it’s important to talk about this, because I believe that owning and loving the whole of our own experience – sharing the parts of ourselves that we’re tempted to ignore or hide away – is the only way that we can break through the cage that our minds create for ourselves.
So, here’s a little insight into the last hour of my life. Allow me to introduce you to a dialogue between my mind and my body. The scene? My desk, just this morning. Laptop open in front of me, tea resting to the side, and me slouching in my chair.
Head: (Sternly) ‘Come on Kate. Your blog’s due out today, your VA is waiting for the copy and you’ve committed to writing weekly blogs to connect with your beautiful community. I want people to think I’m reliable and trustworthy. Get going.’
Body: (Whispering) ‘Kate… Kate… Can you hear me? I’m in pain. I’m tired. Can you please stop thinking, and go back to bed?’
Head: ‘Yup, in a minute… but it’s vitally important that you write this blog, first. And it has to be really good. You can go to bed in 5 minutes. No, that’s rubbish! Make that 20 minutes. Then I promise you can rest.’
Head: ‘Yup, I’m just trying to make this sentence make sense. It’s a really important sentence about taking care of yourself and listening to your body. It’s really wise. I want to make sure everyone gets it.’
Body:
Head: ‘Body? Where’d you go?’
Body: ‘You weren’t listening so I shut up. It’s kinda ironic that you’re writing about self-acceptance and letting go of outer ideals of perfection though.’
Head: ‘Oh’
Body: ‘Yeah’
Head: ‘OK. What do you want me to do?’
Body: ‘Tell the truth. And then go to bed’
Head: ‘OK’
Over to you
Do you relate? Have you ever experienced this kind of internal dialogue – and how do you respond to what your body’s asking you to do? Do you find yourself not fully living by your own values because something insidious has come along, such as a need to look a certain way, or fit into a story you tell about yourself? It’s so normal, and there’s power in opening up to our own self-sabotage. Come and share in the comments.
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