So I’ve just returned from leading a retreat… for myself. Though I am a self-confessed retreat junkie, that wasn’t actually the plan. But in the week leading up to it the handful of guests started to drop out – a family event here, a double-booking there…
So I had a choice – stay at home and sulk that all my hard work and dreams had gone to waste, decide that it meant that nobody liked me and I should probably give up… or, go, and have the most luxurious solo weekend of my life.
I must admit, I did get under the covers on Thursday afternoon and feel pretty sorry for myself for a while.
But on Friday morning, I threw some stuff in a bag and headed to Suffolk.
As I was relaxing in a swing-chair I had an overwhelming feeling that everything was OK. That I WAS OK.
A deep knowing that my success does not rely on making a good living, but on living what I believe.
Ironically (or perfectly?) the topic of this retreat was PERMISSION GRANTED. It is based on seeing so many (especially but not only) women really struggle to give themselves what they want and need, and let themselves be, simply, who they are without judgement. I wrote in the sales copy:
You forget that the soul that needs most tending to, for you to do your work in the world, is YOURS.
Be careful what you wish for, right?
I got a whole weekend to tend to my soul, and everything that I promised would come as a result of this, did. I giggled to myself as I re-read the benefits I promised, thinking ‘yup – that happened and I didn’t even realise it’.
And rather than taking it as proof that I should give up this crazy dream, it’s re-enforced for me how needed this work is, and how committed I am to sharing it.
And not just sharing the information, but sharing the experience. Because it is one thing to know a theory up in your head, and it is quite another, to feel it, to live it, to know it in your bones.
External approval does not bring real happiness and lack of it does not bring destruction. Peace and happiness and real success are to be found inside, through a connection to yourself, to the Earth and to Spirit. To the truth that we are infinite, that we are the creators of our own lives, and the only limitations are the ones that we believe.
A year ago I might have stayed under the covers, feeling like a total failure, and worrying about what other people would think.
PERMISSION GRANTED… to me 😉