You know how when you receive certain compliments you almost brush them off – “yeah, yeah” and yet there are certain other words that have you welling up? Well, it’s the same with what we DON’T want people to think about us.
Think about it. Have you ever been called something, or had something said about you that you just couldn’t get out of your head? Which just kept on popping in in those quiet moments? There have probably been other comments that you’ve been able to laugh off, because you know so deeply they’re not true that to hear them said is more funny than anything else.
The difference isn’t the other person’s view of you. It’s your own. Your own terrified belief that you might, in fact, actually be…. Selfish. Greedy. Self-centred. Arrogant.
And it’s the fear of being called that particular thing, or secretly judged as that particular aspect of our character, which often stops us from taking the very step we need to in order to succeed.
That specific fear is probably… OK, definitely… linked back to whatever it was that was ‘made wrong’ in your house when you were growing up.
So in my house, if you went out for a meal, you got one drink. That was enough. If we went to the cinema, that was the treat – we didn’t get sweets as well. That would be ‘greedy’. That would have made us ‘spoilt’ (at least, that’s what my 7 year old head concluded).
There’s nothing wrong with this. It’s not about making your parents, or anyone else, ‘wrong’.
And I’m not telling this as a middle-class sob-story because it isn’t. It’s just a good example of how our personal stories create very specific fears. For example, someone once called me aloof. I found it funny because it’s so far away from what I know to be the truth about myself. But the fear of being called ‘greedy’… oh my goodness. That stops me. At least, it used to…
When you know what your very specific fears are, you can catch them. You can be aware of when they’re stopping you. And you can very gently, lovingly move through them and take action anyway.
Click here to tweet: “When you know your very specific fears, you can catch them. And gently, lovingly move through them” – @KateWolfTweets
As you can imagine, being scared of being called greedy or selfish, when building a business, was a bit of a stumbling block. In fact, until I was aware of it, it was a TOTAL stumbling block.
I would make up ALL SORTS of reasons not to succeed in my business, just so I would never be called selfish or greedy.
If you’re still trying to win the approval of your parents, your best friend, your old boss or ex-lover… in your new, ‘freedom’-based entrepreneurial venture… you’re probably not experiencing much freedom yet. Or real success.
When I finally released this fear and took action from a place of TRULY not caring if someone called me greedy (not in a hardened ‘I don’t care what anyone thinks’ way, but coming from a truly self-loving place: ‘I KNOW the truth’) – that’s when my business really took off.
It became real. Because you really can’t go very far with ‘I’m scared of being called selfish’ strapped to your backpack. Once I’d let that go, I was willing to take bigger risks. To offer the work I’m called to do and help others step into their desires more generously, more boldly, less apologetically. If I felt I could help someone, I picked up the phone – because I wasn’t scared what the person on the other end might decide about me.
At the end of the day, you CAN’T control what anyone else thinks of you. Trying is EXHAUSTING and on top of that it will ruin your dreams for your business. You’ll be creating from a false self, created by conclusions you probably came to before you were seven years old. Is that really the mindset you want to be making your business decisions from? It’s like trying to drive a car with the brakes on – you won’t get far.
So, what secret and specific fear is weighing you down and holding you back? Where do you stop?
Have a think – what was ‘made wrong’ in your house when you were growing up?
- ~ getting it wrong?
- ~ being a know-it-all?
- ~ making too much noise?
- ~ being too messy?
- ~ being bossy?
- ~ being ‘full of yourself’?
- ~ playing wrong?
Can you see situations in your life or business NOW where these old judgements are so ingrained that they hold you back?
Got your specific thing you’re scared of having said about you?
Here’s what you can do with that…
Stick it up the…
1. Next time you are procrastinating, check in with yourself – ‘Am I scared of being called …….. as a result of this action?’
Clarity around why you are procrastinating is so useful in moving past it.
2. Ask yourself, honestly, am I ………?
The ironic thing is, your perfect clients are probably just waiting for you to be MORE of that thing that got judged as too much/too messy/too big for your boots. They will LOVE that about you. Even if… maybe especially if… it triggers the part of them that secretly wants to be more OK with that aspect of themselves 🙂
3. Keep going! Shine bright and don’t let what other people might or might not think about you stop you (remember, a) You can’t control what other people think and b) You’re not a mind-reader, so you don’t really know what that is anyway…)
Ask yourself, ‘what’s the worst that could happen?’
You could get called the very thing you’re most scared of! You might. But you won’t die. Not from being called selfish. I promise.
Ready to dig deeper?
Exploring what’s REALLY holding us back from the success we’re capable of – having the courage to explore all the parts of ourselves (even the scared ones) and to express them fully – isn’t always easy, but it’s essential if you’re to build the life you deeply desire.
If you’re ready to free up the energy that’s holding you back and let go of the internal voices judging you for what you want, sign up here so that I can send you inspiration and special offerings to help you in your journey.
And if you’d like to connect with other like-minded souls taking a stand for the life of their dreams, why not come and join us over in my private Facebook group, Unapologetically YOU. It’s a special place for you to be yourself, share your experiences and meet others who want to do the same. I look forward to getting to know you there.